ZH:as a woman do you think that women are doing enough to make their relationship and marriages work?
Dr. Of Love: Yes! In fact, I believe that we are even doing much more than we should be doing. Traditionally, it is believed thatthe place of a womanis in the kitchen, which I really do not believe or support, today you see women who are not only doing well in their homes but are also the bread winners – Combining the home front and work very successfully. What better can you expect from the woman? I mean, we have surpassed all expectations.Here on the Plateau we have women who go as far as breaking stones and working on building sites just to carter for the family with their husband still alive.
Look, in my years of counseling, I have seen women sacrifice much more than I think is necessary just to make the home and these are no secrets. But most importantly, it is almost impossible for one person to make a relationship or marriage work; for God’s sake it takes two to tango. If the other part is not willing to make it work, I don’t care if you are the most virtuous woman, you cannot build what the other person has made up his mind to break.
ZH:So then shall we say that men are the problem, which means that they should be treated as endangered species?
Dr Of Love:No, that is not what I am saying. Men are also wonderful people, though they have their own problem. Just as there are bad men, so also there are bad women too. Dwelling on who is more likely to make relationship succeed and marriage fail is like sowing seeds of prejudice between the men and women, which is not what Sweet Relationship believes in. And after all, every woman comes from a man and every man comes from a woman so we are all connected. It is like a chain; the only challenge is that the weakest link makes the chain weak.
However, the truth is that we have a generation of weak men, men who are not really living up to their expectations from God and man. In this generation, only very few men have been able to become the leader that the women in their lives expect.Honestly speaking, the size of a man’s manhood or his six packs means nothing to a real woman.
Those who are still using that as the most important criteria are just living in a girl’s fantasy world. Real women need men that can take decisions and stay firm on them, men whose words holds water, when they make promises they keep them no matter how challenging, men who will help them discover themselves and assist them to achieve their dreams and aspiration not men who are intimidated by their wives’ dreams. Men who can be disciplined enough to be faithful, men of character and honour both at home and the society, men who are models.
A home is easier to manage when you have a man that is a hero to the children, not a man that you are struggling to teach the children not to behave like their father. That is why I feel pity for the next generation when I see young men, wasting their lives in sagging jeans, partying and clubbing, jumping from one girl’s thigh to another and thinking that is what makes them super. Imagine such a young man begin to run a home, what will you expect, a miracle?
All of these go back to parenting. You see, the truth is, when you don’t have a good parenting or upbringing, making a relationship work or home successful is not going to be easy except when you are determined to take advantage of the Alternative Parenting opportunities: such as schools, religious classes, coaching and mentoring classes.
ZH:But most of what you listed as the problems with men are also attributable to women. Today, most young women also are almost walking about naked, even the married and unmarried. They club, drink even much more than the men and by the way, for every unfaithfulness a man commits it is done with a woman or women. Can these women really make a relationship work and marriage successful? And there is the understanding too that must women don’t want to be led?
Dr. Of Love:I said earlier when we started that you cannot handle all the challenges in relationship and marriage in one sitting because they are many and need to be approached from different contexts.
I know as a woman people expect you to just cover every mistake made by the woman, no! I am loyal more to truth than feminism. Of a truth there are many who do not represent women in their behaviour and give women bad name. But I can tell you for sure, their problem is usually that of identity and like I always maintain, when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. So the truth is that, any woman that is not aware of her value is bound to abuse herself or allow herself to be abused.
Whenever any woman begins to display private things at the public square, it is clear then that she has identity issues.
While I agree that looking good and beautiful is very important, however, it is important to note that a woman’s greatest asset is inside her, her purity, her industry, her ability to multiply little into much, her kindness and understanding, patience and resilience. This is the kind of women that make the difference because they have the capacity to add value to the man that enters into her life.
So imagine when such a woman and a real man comes together in relationship or marriage, despite the kind of challenges that may come their way, there is every likelihood that they would find a way to make their marriage fun.
That is why in the Sweet Relationship Mentoring Class, we emphasis the need for individuals to first discover themselves and affirm their identities and purposes before entering any relationship or marriage. This way I am sure that with God’s help and focus they are bound to succeed.
ZH: Some very incisive talk Doctor, you have put round pegs in round holes. Thank you for your time and for coming to Zonehouse chat.
Dr Of Love: It’s my pleasure sharing my thoughts with you, keep on the good work.